CRAZY

i have seventeen more days of being in illinois before i head back to my home. its crazy to think that i have already been here for nearly two months now and it seems like it was yesterday that i was unpacking a buttload of stuff into the cabin lobby and being attacked by girls from last summer.

i dont really know how to feel. its all a mix of things. on one hand i am stoked to go home and have a life, to see my friends and family, get to go to maine and camp for a week and then get ready and go back to school. im happy to be out of here and the ever present miscommunications, useless drama and petty bickering on the weekends.

and yet i feel broken because once i leave this place i most likely wont see the faces and souls that i have come to know and love ever again.

in all reality i wont see the guys in the shop again [though i would want to visit for a week but who knows if that will ever happen] who have become like my brothers. who have listened to me cavetch about working here, taken me out to dinner and who have invited me to hang out [even if i can never make it].

i wont see naomi since she lives in freakin england and i am a poor college student who can barely buy herself snacks during the school year. my rock who held me last summer as i completely doused her in tears and snot. who this year gave me rides to places i needed to go to on the weekends and hung out with me and again listened to me blow up with emotions.

bria, melody, faith, tre, edward, caden, aaron, keitera, kevin and all the little kids that i have grown to love i wont ever see again. they have stolen my heart and melted it and now i will have to leave them to this unkind world. i will never forget them.

the teens, my little gs, who i would do anything for....wont see them again which kills me because all i want is to see them succeed in life and to grow to their full potential. what am i gonna do without darius, brussie, khalil, tamia, dwayne, kc, shabria, alexis, mario, mimi, and brittany? they make my shitty days better when they come and ask me how im doing, smile, give me hugs ask if i have any candy in my desk and just include me in their conversations. they have shown me that there is something more to me that i have never known or recognized before. that there is something inside me that brings people in. i still dont understand it all but i must thank them for bringing it to the surface.

i know i can still talk to them via phone, text, email, facebook, etc but thats not enough. i want to see them face to face and have coffee with them and catch up weekly to see where they are going and how they are doing. but sadly ohio is too far from illinois to being driving there each week.

working here is a bittersweet thing. the bitter is in the coming, the working and the leaving.