Friday, January 22, 2010


"thankfully i know now that my grandma has gotten the peace she needed and deserved. she was taken to be with the Lord last night while she slept. the most peaceful way to go. hannah i cannot tell you how much i am grateful for your friendship and your true sincerity and care for me. i have never found another person like you who has such pure sincerity for another human before and i am blessed to have you as a friend and sister in christ. it has been a tough few days for me....getting ready for my trip to utah to fulfill a dream since high school has put butterflies in my stomach and has put doubts in my mind, dealing with this boy and realizing that he is honestly not worth my time and at the same time wondering why i have these feelings for him but knowing i deserve better, having to come to grips with the fact that yet again one of my best friends is transferring after this school year which means that the reality of me most likely never seeing her again is starting to set in and then finding out about my grandmother today has put alot of strain on my emotions and will power to trust in God. i have lost faith that he has a plan for my life that is to prosper and not to harm me even though he tells me directly thats not the case in his holy word. the devil is attacking me from every part of my life: friends, family, work, my dreams, and my faith what there may be left of it. you have reminded me that there is good in life and in the world around me. psalm 27:14 is now written in sharpie on my laptop so that i can look at it and remember that i can be strong in the lord and that waiting may be hard but it is for the betterment of my life. and you know me - i suck at waiting. i too wish i could be sitting next to you watching pride and prejudice right now and just going back to the days in high school where we would look at other's and roll our eyes at the pettiness of puppy love. where we would give each other one look and know exactly what the other was thinking and then laugh. i wish my gma was still alive but its selfish of me and i know she is in a better place where alzheimers is not even known. but death is a part of life and i must come to grips that the next time i go home i will not see her there asking me what day it is or asking who i am and how she knows me. i dont want to give up on the idea of finding love one day with the person God has made for me but it is so hard. i have no words to describe the love i share for you. thank you for giving me a piece of hope that He is still watching over me through these times of trials. i hope to see you soon. with all my love ~ erica"

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